Today, I’d like to write about a DIY project.
And when I say DIY, what I really mean is Steal It Yourself.
We Culverhouses sometimes like to live on the wild side and although we are financially capable of buying a Christmas tree for the cabin in Butler, our method of choice is stealing…as in trespassing on someone’s property and cutting down a tree.* The interesting part about this is, though we own oodles and oodles of land in Butler filled with trees, we always look for the “perfect Christmas cedar” on land that does not belong to us. I haven’t thought about that fact until now, but I think it makes perfect sense. I think we all just enjoy the thrill.
Finding the perfect tree can sometimes take up to a few hours. The method that we have found works best is to ride the Kawasaki Mule around until we have several choices, then we’ll drive back to the location in a larger vehicle to maneuver the tree back home. The perfect tree is always extremely tall and difficult to handle. An added bonus is if it’s hard to get into a tree stand.
Here’s what you will need to steal the perfect Christmas tree:
1) First, you’ll need a boss. The lady in black seen here through the brush is our boss. She picks the tree, tells everyone how to cut it, where to cut it, how NOT to cut it, and how to carry it to the car. She also nags as they cut it and usually changes her mind several times before deciding on a tree.
2) Secondly, you’ll need a guppy. A guppy is someone that does whatever you tell them, no matter the cost. As you see here, the guppy needs to be lean and very agile to efficiently navigate the harsh conditions you’ll face while stealing a tree. The guppy answers directly to the boss. The guppy carries the saw and other instruments and also helps carry the tree back to the car.
3) The third (and most important) thing you’ll need is a lookout guy. The lookout guy must have a good sense of hearing and impeccable eyesight to spot possible onlookers. The lookout guy alerts the boss, the guppy, and the lumberjack to any suspicious activity so as they avoid getting caught.
4) Last, and most certainly not least, you’ll need a lumberjack. The lumberjack does a majority of the manual labor. Like the guppy, the lumberjack answers directly to the boss. The lumberjack provides the vehicle, cuts the tree, and carries the tree back to the vehicle. He also takes all the blame if, Heaven forbid, the crew one day gets busted.
Here are some more pictures of the process of tree-stealing, now that you have an adequate idea of how it works:
The trick is to work quickly and efficiently. Good communication is key. And remember, it is important that the guppy cuts a limb from a pine tree and “sweeps” away any footprints left behind.
* The land we cut trees from is right by the road and owned by a large coorporation. We’d never steal from our friends! 🙂
I hope this inspires you all to go find the perfect tree. Just remember, don’t get caught!!