Somehow, this weekend, I have managed to mentally transform into that of a 4-year-old.
I like to think that I’m fairly independent and pretty strong. I went away for college and moved even farther away for a job. I live by myself and pay my bills on time. I run a business and wash my own clothes. I cook a mean dinner every now and then. Tom and I did the whole “long-distance” thing for 4 years without either of us being shattered. I only cry during scary movies, weddings, and ASPCA commercials.
It started this morning when I woke up at exactly 4:40 a.m. absolutely soaked in sweat and paralyzed with fear. Please refrain from laughing as I go into detail about the nightmare that ruined my night:
For some reason, the world was flooding, WHICH WE ALL KNOW IS NOT POSSIBLE AGAIN THANKS TO A RAINBOW. Anyway, the world was flooding, and some dumb idiot put me in charge of one of many canoes that were responsible for saving the entire population. Well, as I was steering the canoe away from danger, I happened to run into Tom. I screamed frantically, “TOM, WHERE IS APHID? WHERE IS HE?” and Tom then told me that he had tried to get to me and had run to the front of the line, but the security guards directing people into canoes had thrown him in the water because there wasn’t enough room to save dogs too. WELL, GUESS WHAT…APHID CAN’T SWIM.
You know how a nightmare gets SO bad that you start convincing yourself that it has to be a dream and luckily you can feel yourself slowly drifting out of it but it takes some effort? Well, I managed to get myself out of the dream. Unfortunately, it was one of those dreams that the MOMENT I slipped back to sleep, I was right back inside the dream where we left off.
Now I know this dream doesn’t sound too terribly frightening, but at 5:00 in the morning, it’s positively earth-shattering. So what better to do than to call Tom and tell him all about it as you sit sobbing in the corner of the bed holding Aphid?
Luckily, he fails to burst out laughing and tells me that my dream, was in fact, truly horrible and that I have every right to be upset. I can’t remember what he said after that, but I do know he somehow convinced me to hang up the phone and to watch T.V. to try to get my mind off of the dream and to help me fall back asleep.
I don’t know if too many of you watch television at 4:40 in the morning, but there is honest-to-God nothing on but infomercials. So I watched an Oreck infomercial until the Oreck vacuum cleaner dude had convinced me that there was nothing more I wanted in this world than the vacuum he was selling.
Fast-forward a few hours later to Tom calling me and telling me I need to get ready for church and that we’re going to Lane’s afterward for lunch. Well, at 8:30 a.m., that news was absolutely earth-shattering as well. Cue the tears, yet again. “I can’t possibly get up for church right now. I slept horribly. Why is it so bright right now? I feel terrible. How could we possibly go to Lane’s? PLEASE COME SIT WITH ME, I’M SCARED.” All of it was just TOO. MUCH.
I know, pathetic. Tom does start laughing this time, but tells me he’ll come over before church and bring me breakfast and if I’m absolutely positively sure I’m sick, then I can stay home. We hang up and I fall back asleep.
Until 20 minutes later when I call him back to tell him I don’t know how he could possibly imagine leaving me here in this dungeon alone just to go to church and that I’ll be ready and waiting when he arrives with my breakfast.
I remain pretty emotionally stable until after church. As we ride over to Lane’s, I notice I have a headache. Well, the more I think about it, the more I feel as if I might die. I cue the whining yet again, claiming I have a MIGRAINE (LOL) and that I must surely be having an allergy attack (LOLLOL) that absolutely no dose of medicine could ever cure.
And then we look at each other and he has this huge grin on his face that makes me have a grin on my face because we both know that I’m absolutely being ridiculously ridiculous and have been that way since 4:40 this morning. And so we laugh at how stupid and whiney I’ve been, enjoy a nice family lunch at Lane’s, and I haven’t had any meltdowns since. Except one time when everyone was teasing me about “meeting Noah during the great flood” during lunch.
We’ll chalk it up to lack of sleep from having to save hundreds of people in a single canoe last night.