All’s Well That Ends Well: Locked Out

I’ve been having what I guess you could call an “off” couple of days.

It all started when Aphid locked me out of my car on Saturday. I have only locked my keys in my car once before. I was 16, and let me tell you, it was at the most convenient time. I didn’t have anywhere to be, I wasn’t doing anything important, I wasn’t about to go meet someone new. Oh wait, actually it was 10 minutes before my driver’s test was scheduled to begin. ANYWAY. That’s another blog posting all in itself.

Saturday, I was doing an on-location shoot and since my car key doesn’t have to be in the vehicle for the car to run, I usually take Aphid with me and let him stay in the car with the AC on. We both have separation anxiety from each other, so that is just what works for us. On this particular day, I had my tire changed earlier in the week and had failed to put my car key back on my key ring set. So, I had my keys, but not my CAR KEY. And, well, you guessed it. Aphid, while watching us shoot, stepped on the ‘lock’ button and I was unable to get into my car.

For two hours.

I, remaining calm, finished the shoot. I thought for SURE I’d be able to coax him over to the buttons again, he’d step on the “unlock,” and we’d be on our way.

WRONG.

My friend Jessie, THANK GOD, was there. She, Tom, and I beat on the window, held food up to the door, climbed on the hood of the car. ANYTHING to get him to come over and let us in. But idiot me had left the AC absolutely BLASTING because God forbid the precious little angel get a bit hot. So after about 3o minutes of being shut up in there, heck, ice was forming on the windows. Well, maybe not, but Aphid was shaking, scared, and had crawled into the back seat. He shut down.

We tried rubbing pecans on the windows, throwing peppers at the car (Tom had just gotten back from the Farmer’s Market), and pretending to eat leaves. I screamed, I cried, I pleaded with him to please, for all that is holy, PLEASE come step on the ‘unlock’ button. Aphid wouldn’t look at us, wouldn’t move, wouldn’t respond. Which caused me to start looking for a brick so I could bust the window open before he froze to death.

Tom and Jessie, the level-headed ones, talked me out of that. Jessie called her dad who, out of the goodness of his heart, stopped mowing grass and came over to attempt to break in. But even he couldn’t maneuver the instrument inside the car to unlock it, nor could he coax Aphid over to the window. But, that’s the good thing about living in the South. Everyone knows someone that knows someone that knows someone that can break into a car. So, we called an elderly man that used to be a locksmith back in the good ole days. He said he’d send his son, but it would take about 45 minutes because he was busy with another job. Which sent me into full-on panic mode. Aphid is freezing and shaking. Tom is mad at me because he says this situation could have been avoided. Jessie, poor Jessie, is watching in pity, trying her best to calm me down. And her dad is trying with all his might to get into the car.

And FINALLY, with Tom’s help, the car-breaking-into-thing-a-ma-jig slips through the window and causes the window to roll down at which point I start yelling like an escaped convict. Aphid leaps out of the window into my arms and all is well with the world again. ‘Cept I missed dinner with my family,  rolled in poison ivy, and wasted half a tank of gas.

So despite trying to cure my poison ivy and the day-to-day routine of work, editing, and editing, and editing, we had a small incident that occurred with a crazy woman reading the Bible to my neighbor’s horses, goats, and donkeys. Then, when I got home from work this afternoon, I couldn’t find my hen, Loretta, which caused me to fly off the handle and spend an hour running around frantically shaking a bag of worms and crowing like a rooster. I might be having an “off” week, but my problems are so minuscule. I’m a lucky girl.

It’s always funny how God seems to know exactly when you need a pick-me-up, because as I was lying on the sofa drowning my sorrows with a bowl of chinese takeout, the UPS woman pulled up with a package for me filled with goodies from one of my favorite people on this earth, Mrs. Susan.

Everything was perfect, down to the card.

The most precious ceramic egg holders for Loretta’s blue eggs. IN LOVE.

And the most adorable apron that almost makes me want to cook.

And, who could have a worry in the world when you have these sitting on your counter?

You can hate me later as you find yourself in the Dunkin’ Donuts drive-thru.

And as if I didn’t have enough to smile about, my dear friend, Jana, wrote the most heart-warming blog post about me that I woke up to Sunday morning, causing my heart to swell to twice it’s size. Read it here: Best Blog Post in the World.

Aaaand, one last thing, ’cause I know everyone was wondering. Loretta was found safe and sound, just a bit spooked by the strong storms today. All is well at the Culverhouse.

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